Here's the deal...........

I just realized that if I let this blog go 2 more days then it will have been 30 days since I last blogged. Wow. Look - there's something I can stick with - NOT blogging for 30 days.
I've actually been putting off this blog because I didn't really want to admit that I didn't stick with the meditation practice so much. At all. I wanted to. I sort of wanted to and then I just didn't. I don't know that there was any life changing secret in there anyway. I guess I just wanted to have peace of mind since this summer is so drastically different than the last 9. I don't really have peace of mind. I just suck it up every day. And it's not that I don't like working because the last year of being home was getting a little boring. I knew it was time for all of us to make a change. It's just that it's an all or nothing kind of gig and that's the part that is hard to swallow. This must be why women decide to have another baby. Because, you miss those little ones so much! And, you really didn't do it right the first time. Wouldn't you enjoy it SO much more the 3rd time around??? Now let's all be clear, I AM NOT doing that. I don't want another baby. I just want my babies back. I miss them already. Plus, don't you sort of look back with rose colored glasses?
My main concern is that I didn't really stick with something for 30 days. I don't have the passion for it. I didn't even have the passion for teaching yoga anymore after 3 years or surely I'd want to figure out how to keep teaching it. Maybe it's not in my brain matter. You see people who are passionate about football or some other sport and know all the statistics back to the beginning of time. You see people that are passionate about politics or religion and get all red in the face as they try to make you understand their position. Or people that are passionate about a certain musician or band and have seen every concert and know every mind numbing bit of trivia about them. I'm just not that person. Do I have a passion? So...I've been considering that question for almost a month now as I try to make myself write this blog.
You know what? My kids are my passion right now. And, I don't really apologize for that. But, I also don't think that I'll be the kind of person that will lose my identity when they are grown and move out. I just want to be around them while they are here. I don't want to spend an hour working out after work when it's another hour away from them. We don't even have to be doing anything at all. In fact,they can just be sitting there playing games on the itouch or ipad and not even talking to me, but at least we are in the same room. And that passion gets a little mixed up with the sadness that this summer is not like last summer. I miss it. Just like I miss them being babies. We don't get all that extra time together to drive each other completely crazy. Rose colored glasses again.... I know........
Maybe I'll keep blogging... but I'm not promising anything.

I'm not really good at this.....

I can't believe my last post was so long ago. I'm starting to wonder if I can stick with anything that I set out to do. Thought I'd run a 5K. Didn't. Thought I would not eat bread for 1 week. That lasted about 2 days. Thought I'd maintain this blog...........You see where I'm going with this.
But, even though I haven't blogged about it, I have continued to meditate. I haven't kept up with it every day and last night's meditation was watching Coldplay sing "Fix You" on Palladia. That totally counts, right?
I still need to set up a place in my home that I can go and be completely left alone. I have been amazed to notice how little time I really have all by myself in a day. In fact, the only reason I have time to update my blog right now is that it's a Friday afternoon before a holiday weekend. Everyone has left the building and it's just me left to answer a phone that is not really ringing. At the end of the day, when I crawl into bed, I have the intention to sit and meditate for at least 5 minutes and the next thing I know it's been an hour and I have clearly been sleeping since I have a giant crick in my neck. I've tried the morning meditations as well and am just too grumpy in the mornings to really relax into it.
The meditations in my car during lunch have worked out really well. Except one day my phone rang which is synched to the car and I almost went through the roof. I would turn my phone off during these periods except that my phone won't turn off. I don't know what is wrong with it, but the new iPhone 5 is rumored to be released in September, so I'm just going to have to live with this nuisance for a little while longer.
I think the meditation has helped me settle in to summer. It's different for sure, but I'm not so weepy about it anymore. The kids seem to be doing just fine. Of course, it has been non-stop since the very first day. Next week will be the first week that they don't have a scheduled activity every day, so I know they are looking forward to sleeping in for a change. And then we leave for a few days vacation................